I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
