So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
