He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
