I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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