bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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