We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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