I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
