He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
this hospital has no fireball
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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