I'm drive I can fine osifer
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
