operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
