I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
we're so committed to being not committed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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