She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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