dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
