home. puking in laundry basket.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
