11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
