after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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