I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
