hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You ruined the universe
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
