O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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