So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize