absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
