my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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