Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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