Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize