You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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