Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
