It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
