Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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