i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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