We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
did you just send me my own nude
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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