i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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