before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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