youre lurking in front of me
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
