Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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