She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
