i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
