Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
