omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
