"it" just moved
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
