How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
