Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
