i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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