you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
