Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
