he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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