how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
