I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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