I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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