Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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