I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We left an ass print on the piano.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
