WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
