capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
