Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
