we made out on top of his cat.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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