The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
