we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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