I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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