I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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