Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
