either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
