pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
