I feel like abortions should bother me more
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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