why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
