i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just found puke in my bra..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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