My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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