I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
