I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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