i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I sprained my soul last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
