he was CRYING into my vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
