The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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