btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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