Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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