Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
