I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
