I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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