just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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